Stephanie’s blog

Conversation I had with Rory last year about a dream I had:

Me: “What do you think it all means?”

Rory:    “Absolutely nothing.”

OK, so Rory wasn’t one to appreciate the mystical aspect of the dream world. I tried to convince him that I thought
they were a way to communicate with people who were not with us anymore, but he wasn’t having any of it. With that said, I wonder if he is responsible for the recent encounters I have had with him.

Thanks to Brian’s recent post, I was inspired to tell you I also have been seeing him lately during my slumber. The first time I saw him, my anxiety was high, and I remember having this desperate feeling to keep him in my sights at all costs – invite him to see some live music or for a milkshake, anything to keeping him from leaving. But he was not responding to my offers and simply stared at me, emotionless. I knew I had to let him go. He got into his boat (?) and left, and there was nothing I could do. The second and most recent meeting was very different; I thought I saw the back of his head at school, and I peered from behind the door asking myself if it was him. I recognized the clothes he was wearing as his, and I ventured up to him. He turned around, and it was Rory! I was so happy and shocked to see him there, but this time, I enjoyed the moment to the fullest. I paid no attention to the people who were passing beside me, and I followed him around, not wanting to miss a moment of his charming company. (Incidentally, he had some bad dental work done, and this is the part where my theory would crumble against Rory’s argument.) It’s so funny to think about how intense these feelings of panic and desperation, then  happiness and disbelief, all as I lay passed out, drooling on my pillow.

Whoever/whatever was responsible for that, I thank them for letting me look into Rory’s beautiful blue eyes again.

So Real-Jeff Buckley

Me & rory

10.       Have you heard Black Moth Super Rainbow? Wow!

9.         Same question as above, except about Lupe Fiasco

8.         How do you set up this dang PlayStation?

7.         Who are you voting for in the 2008 Election, and does Win Butler have any influence on your decision?

6.         Was the Kanye West dance song from Graduation “Daft Punk-approved” AND did the fact that they both headlined Coachella ’06 serve as a major influence? Hmmm….

5.         So how much cereal did you eat this year?

4.         Hey, wanna go see DJ Shadow & Cut Chemist in February?

3.         Why didn’t you tell me Rachel’s brother was all up in the scene[1]?? (Do I have to find everything out myself?)

2.         Do these jeans make my butt look big?

1.         Whatever happened to Herschel Walker?

Holy crap, I'm posting on a Spam Bandits-endorsed blog! I never thought this day would come…

It's interesting to think of my last words to Rory, in the parking lot of Cossetta's: "Some day [I'll become a Spam Bandit]…some day!!" We had just finished up our annual Extended Day-After School Holiday Party/Rory & Nick's Birthday Celebration/No Kids Allowed event on the evening of December 14th, and I had asked him about his birthday plans. He mentioned a film festival he was attending that night, and a party on Saturday in his honor. It was my running joke that one day I would get to meet all of his closest friends that he kept to himself, but mentioned so often at work. It's only after his death that I understood the long look he gave me right there, as if to say "You will be meeting them very soon, but regretfully, I will not be in attendance." I get it now.

Man, I have to hand it to myself for adding that super-cool literary device of foreshadowing[1]! I really hope Rory is giving me credit for that in the afterlife, because you know he would totally be giving himself props for that.

Now that I'm a little less freaked out about posting this, let me share something from school. Did you know that Rory was the MC for our talent show every year? I was really dreading having one this year, but I fear mutiny among the children, which is even greater than my fear of breaking down in tears during a light saber sword fight routine or really bad Hannah Montana karaoke that Rory would've helped orchestrate. So I guess I'll have the Talent Show this year. I'm really gonna miss how we had this MC-DJ relationship – he'd come out on stage, I'd cue the Arcade Fire sound bite and fade it so he could announce the next act. He was the only one, other than myself, who appreciated the Paul Westerberg song I would play as the kids were coming into the auditorium. We even were a featured act in a show one year – I, Meg White, him, Jack. The crowd went wild. That's going to be tough to pull off this year, but I think the kids are telling me it's time to move on.

I adore how Rory has all inspired us to write in the wake of things. Isn't that perfect?

That night in the parking lot before we parted, I actually felt compelled to give him a kiss on the cheek, mostly because I loved him so much, but also because I felt so proud of him for being here with us another year, despite all his struggles. I love you and I'm proud of you, Rory.
________________________________
[1] Rory's life …cinematic masterpiece? Talk amongst yourselves.